I Walked Into the Kitchen Three Times Before I Remembered Why

Last Tuesday I walked into my kitchen three times. Each time I stood there, looked around, and walked back out. On the fourth trip I remembered: my tea.

I blend my own loose leaf tea, and I take it seriously. The kettle had whistled. I had poured. Then I walked away, and the leaves sat steeping for most of the morning. What waited for me was cold, bitter, and strong enough to pay its own bills.

I am a therapist with 15 years of practice. I teach graduate students. I supervise clinicians. And I could not hold on to the thought “go get your tea” for the length of a hallway.

If you have ever stood in a room wondering why you came in, lost a word mid-sentence, or reread the same email four times, I want you to hear this first: you are not lazy, you are not careless, and you are not losing yourself.

Here is what I have learned, as a clinician and as a woman living with ADHD in menopause. Estrogen supports the brain chemicals that help us focus, remember, and follow through. When estrogen shifts, those systems can become less steady. For women with ADHD, who already work harder to manage attention, it can feel like someone raised the difficulty level without warning. The strategies that carried you for decades may stop working as well. That is not a character flaw. It is a body in transition asking for a different kind of care.

For a long time, my response to these moments was criticism. “What is wrong with you? Get it together.” I would never speak to a client that way, yet I said it to myself daily.

What helps me now is the first of my 5 Bs of Self-Care: Breath. When I catch myself standing in the kitchen with no idea why, I stop. I put one hand on the counter. I take one slow breath in and a longer breath out. Then I tell myself, “Give it a moment. It will come back.” Most of the time, it does. When it does not, I have still interrupted the shame before it takes over my day.

One breath will not change hormones or attention. What it does is tell your nervous system that you are safe, and a calmer brain finds information more easily than a frightened one.

So the next time you lose your keys, your words, or your train of thought, try it with me. Pause. One hand on something solid. One slow breath. One kind sentence.

Your affirmation: “My mind is changing, and I am still capable, still wise, and still me.”

Now I would like to hear from you. What is the funniest or most frustrating thing you have forgotten lately? Share it in the comments. Mine is the tea, steeped well past forgiveness.

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With care,

Dr. Myra Wilkinson, LMFT-S