My Christmas Tree May Go Up This Month. I Said What I Said.
It is October, and I am seriously considering putting up my Christmas tree.
I know. There are people who believe Christmas decorations belong after Thanksgiving, in an orderly fashion, one holiday at a time. I love those people. They are wrong.
In my house, Christmas is not a day. It is a season. It is lights in the evening, a favorite movie, a cup of tea I actually remember to drink, and a living room that glows. If something brings that much comfort, I see no reason to limit it to a few weeks.
Now let me put on my clinician voice, because there is substance under the tinsel.
Many women I know treat joy as a reward. We will rest when the work is done. We will celebrate when the house is clean. We will enjoy ourselves when everyone else has been taken care of. The trouble is that the list is never finished. If joy has to wait at the end of it, joy never gets a turn.
During menopause, mood and energy can dip in ways that feel unfamiliar. With ADHD, the brain responds strongly to what interests and delights it. In both cases, small, reliable sources of pleasure are not extras. They are maintenance. Anticipation counts too. Looking forward to something gives the mind a place to rest that is not a worry.
This connects to Belief, one of my 5 Bs of Self-Care. Somewhere, many of us picked up the belief that enjoyment must be earned, and that wanting comfort is childish. I would like you to examine that belief the way you would examine a carton of milk in the back of the refrigerator. Check the date. It may have expired.
Here is your practice for the week. Choose one “too early” joy and do it anyway. Play the music. Light the candle you have been saving. Wear the good pajamas on a Wednesday. No one is coming to inspect your calendar.
And if you drive past my house this month and see a tree in the window, mind your business and enjoy the view.
Your affirmation: “Joy does not need permission, a reason, or the correct month.”
Now I would like to hear from you. Settle this for me: are you team “tree in October” or team “wait until after Thanksgiving”? And what is your own “too early” joy?
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With care,
Dr. Myra Wilkinson, LMFT-S
This entry is educational and reflects my personal experience. It is not therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. Please speak with your healthcare provider about your individual needs.
